4 Ways To Discuss Bringing A Toy Into The Bedroom With Your Partner
A small sex toy can help you discover more about your body’s erogenous zones while providing extra stimulation. Though you may enjoy some alone time with your favorite vibrator, using a toy in coupled sex can provide additional enjoyment for all. These ideas for talking to your partner about using sex toys in the bedroom can let the good feelings (and vibrators) roll if you’re thinking about trying something unusual between the sheets.
“While sex toys are great for solo sex, they aren’t only for masturbation,” says Gigi Engle, a certified sex coach, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. “We must cease putting boundaries on our sexual playtime. Sex toys can be used in various ways to enhance partnered sex and are suitable for all types of sexual engagement.” I’m all for maximizing the #goodvibes, at the risk of sounding like a barefoot frat boy at a Dave Matthews show.
And if you’re trying to spice up your sex life, these four recommendations for talking to your significant other about bringing your favorite toy to the party could be quite useful.
It’s important to emphasize that this isn’t a substitute.
You could choose the toppings if your sex life were a make-your-own sundae party. It’s not an either-or situation regarding toys and relationships; it’s more of an “all of the above” scenario. “Sex devices should be viewed as a gift, not a danger,” argues Engle. “There’s a stigma associated with sex toys as if they can replace a partner during sex, but this is false. They’re made to be played with, explored with, and utilized to elicit toe-curling orgasms in both penis and vulva-owning individuals.”
Toys, according to Engle, can help everyone involved feel more intimate and climactic. If your partner is hesitant to bring a toy into the bedroom, remind them that it is not a game and it’s merely an additional source of stimulation for both of you.
Make some hot affirmations.
It’s no secret that sex is a sensitive point. Maybe you know your partner feels a little self-conscious about doing the dirty, or they could use a little boost of confidence (who couldn’t?). Positive (and sexy) affirmations can help you feel more encouraged when you attempt new activities by framing your wants or desires. “‘Babe,’ you may say. I enjoy having sex with you because you’re such a great kisser. If we brought my vibrator into the room, I believe I’d have more orgasms. We have such passionate sex, and I think it would be so exciting to try new things,’ says the author, “says Engle.
Starting and concluding the conversation with something sensual and encouraging, as Engle explains, might make your boo feel more confident as you consider adding toys. Rather than stating, “My vibrator gets me more than you ever would,” say, “I adore how your body feels, and I think it would be really hot to put a toy in.”
Regarding toys for couples, there’s a lot to think about.
If your partner isn’t well-versed in sex toys, they might be unaware of what’s available. Whether they have preconceived notions about vibrators or are familiar with vaginal-centered toys, discussing devices meant for couples or their bodies may help them get on your sensual wavelength.
“Many toys are made to be played with in pairs,” Engle explains. “For example, the Womanizer Premium features a lengthy base that allows you to hold the toy over the clitoris (intended to resemble oral sex) while engaging in penetrative intercourse. Penis-owners can use the Aneros Trident prostate massage to improve oral sex or intercourse, giving them two times the pleasure.”
Whether you’re looking for a toy to slip between your rockin’ bods while getting it on or some penis-centered action, discussing items you can use can help them share in the enjoyment.
Don’t overthink it.
Engle recommends starting with something low-key and visually pleasing if you’re dipping your toes into the sex toy pool or want to be discreet about adding a device. Engle advises, “Don’t pick a terrifying phallic monster dildo.” “Select something small and even adorable.” Adding a simple toy between the sheets can make your sex life bright, whether you go for a Marie Kondo minimalist look (I highly recommend the Maude Vibe) or try something with a little finger vibes scenario, like the Dame Fin.
Adding a toy may be a fun way to spice up your sex life, no matter what you and your partner are into. Of course, before going into it, it’s critical to discuss consent and intentions. Experimenting can be beautiful and entertaining, but the essential thing is ensuring everyone is comfortable and secure. A toy between the sheets is something everyone can get behind, whether you reacher for a little finger vibe or add some extra stimulation during oral.